RE: hate tobe here

Sunday, September 28, 2008 5:27 PM

Hey Via,

To bad you got trobles at home I realy wish best for you. If I understand your email correctly you have stayd with your friend last night. I realy hope you feel better right now but I understand you have the feeling that you dont like to stay among them. Maybe you have changed allot while staying in jkt and also you have bin living on your self for the past 5 years. I think these two things have allot of influece on your stay at your parrents house right now.I moved out when i just got 18 years old and lived for 3 years on my own. When i finally moved back to my parrents house to live with them for just two months I realy couldnt be myself annymore. I couldnt apply my own houserules and it felt realy weard to live at my parrents again. Its almost impossible to discribe but i know i didnt feel at home.I got allot of friends how are way older then me and the told me its a commen thing. Allot of them also had the same experience like i had but also couldnt describe it. Im not shure if you are feeling the same thing like im trying to explain right now but i got the feeling this is could be it. Only you know best.I think im starting to know you a little and the one thing thats importent for you i think is god. So Via I think its best to stay truth to god. I get a littlebit worried if you tell me that you forget to pray. I hate it when im not here with you right now to take care and to make you comfort. Also me being verry far away is one of your burdens right now. How to fix how to fix. I dont know honey.

Yes i was at my moms birthdayparty all night. It started when i just got home from training and ended realy late. We stayed at a restaurant and had somekind of spanisch/turkisch food there. Its called tapas and its verry famous feed in Europe. There was only one problem. Since i have tasted the fresch herbs and food in Indonesia i cant enjoy the food annymore in Belanda. The herbs here are not fresch and there is much less taste. I try to enjoy the food here but its realy hard when you know there is better. Try to imagion that you eat normall nice Indonesian fooddishes and suddenly you only can eat Indomie for a long time. This is how im feeling right now. Like im eating instand indomie all the time.Except for the food the party was great. We all gave my mother a sort of painting that we made ourself. We made five 'paintings', one per child and we tryed to express what we would think of when thinking about my mother. I will send you a picture of them later this week.I made a 'painting' of a ying yang and put pices of pictures in it. I took some pictures of my mothers old and new companny and pictures while she was working. I cut some parts out and put them in the black part of the ying yang. Also i made some pictures of here hobby, house and other things she likes to do. I put these pictures in the white side of the ying yang. As a finisching part i put a picture of my dad in the white circle in the black part and a picture of my mom in the black circle in the white part. When i gave my mother this 'painting' i told here: "that she was a ying yang. If i think of you i would think about your work. You are always working hard and working to a point where you have more spare time for your self. You are always complaining that you dont have much spare time and you always have to work hard. This is your black side of the ying yang. You also try to do allot of your hobbys that will give you rest and inner peace. You like to travel becouse when you travel you cant do your work and this will give you new energie. These things represent your white side of the ying yang. There is still one part i didnt explain to you and those are the two circels in each side. In the black side of the ying yang there is a white circle with the face of dad. He is always the one who tells you to calm down when you are working to hard. Also he is the only person that will always give suport wen you come home all tyred from work. He represents your white circle in your stressfull life of the black side within the ying yang. In the white side of the ying yang there is a black circle with the face of you. When your companny is stable and there is less to do you get more time for your hobbys. You are always complayning to everybody that you want more time for your hobbys and more spare time. But instead of spending more time for your self you will start expending your companny or get annother job. Thats why you are the black circle within the white part of the ying yang. You are the one who always imbalance your own ying yang but you are also the one who will balance your ying yang. This imbalancing and balancing of your life is what you do and are and this is what i think of when i think of you." I hope i written it clear enough for you becouse its hard to explain in a email. Also writing isnt my forte but i will do my best for you. Hahaha, lets just say you are an important person to me and i like to do my best for people who are dear to me .

Also there is annother thing i wanted to tell you. I got a little excident yesterday becoese some asshole didnt want me to pass. I was cycling to my parrents house and was in a hurry. I was planning to pass somekind of asshole (didnt knew that before trying to pass, but still) but he didnt want me to pass. I dont know why but he cut me off so i couldnt pass but becouse of that i had to avoid colliding whit him and he made me loose controll of my cycle. Ofcours i felt down and he made some kind of stupid comment and cycled away.Now i got some bruces and my food looks a bid bad but its getting better already. I hate people like that and there are getting more and more of them each day. At first i was mad but afther some time i figured out he was just a pitiful man with a small dick and had to prove himself that he was tough. Thinking of this calmed me down and i could enjoy my mothers party again.

It took me two hours to write this so i realy got hungry right now. I will have something to eat and talk to you later.


Love