I want to ask you something

Thursday, October 30, 2008 11:52 PM

Hey Via,

First i will start of with the usual. These past days were tence but i do my normal things still. Thanks for sending me he good luck wish this wensday. I did screwed up my presentation becouse i couldnt keep my head clear while presentating. Still i got an 8 on my presentation but i could get higher score. <-- the teacher told me i had natural flare sow it overcompensated the missing information. Good thing i still have flare.

Also study takes alot of effert to keep my head while reading. I keep getting distracted becouse my mind slips away and start thinking about you. I will manage but it takes alot of effort.

A friend asked me to take pictures of him and his brassband this saterday. As a joke i asked him what i will get from it and he answerd that i could listen to the performance for free. I said thats a big reward listening for one and a half hour to screaching noices of a brassband :p Of course i still agreed but asked not to use the pictures for commercial reasons. I think it will be a fun night out and also nice to take pictures of a friend performing his hobby :-).

Also two of my sis have their birthday next week so while study i also have to fiend pressants. No time to think about that but i will come up with somthing usefull.

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Now the problem part that gives us all the burdon at the moment.

I want to ask you something becouse i think it will be verry important for future. If in february we will find out that 'this is it' can you wait some more time? What im trying to say is that you already told me you dont want to wait long but the problem is i still have to finish my study first. This will take some few years longer and can you wait that long. I cant come verry often to indonesia becouse if i want to go i need finance from scholarships. I asked my studycoach and this internship in february is the only one were it is possible to do uproad. I can try to arange to study for one semester in indonesia but again im pending on the desission of the eldercommision and the indonesian school ofcourse. Also this will not benafit my study so overall i have to study longer. i realy would like you to think about this one becouse i think its important.

There is annother problem i read in your last email (actualy also before). You are having doubts and that makes the situation difficult. I didnt want to hurt you and maybe love makes you do stupid things. At least it happens to me alot. I know you are already hurt and also i am. Im still hurt becouse of what you said to me and to who you compared me with. At first i was shocked but now im deply hurt. Also i have doubts on you but will not make desisions based on anger.

Im sorry to made you feel hurt and im sorry that i cant go on december. Im deeply sorry but its hard to make up for what has already happend. I did the best i could for making my plans real but im human too. I did made mistakes and will correct them if so. Im still the guy that you know from back indonesia and im not some kind of ass thats fooling around and playing games. I dont want to play games and you dont deserve to be played with, atleast not in this kind of way. Lets just say im sorry honey and ask of you to rethink if your heart is still there? Be honnest to your self and to me. Thats all im asking of you right now.

To my dearest Via